Depression and depressive thoughts are so familiar that they almost comfort. It's that kind of messy part about things that are common. Even the negative aspects can become cozy.
I used to feel so lonely that I would befriend just about anyone. It's hard to know that about myself and not send abrasive comments up and down my psyche. When you grow up like I did, it's not a surprising way to be, though. Boundaries and how to differentiate between good and bad intentions from others takes time, attention, and confidence, and that's not always available to us as we change through the years. When we can move ourselves in and out of tears, up and down through pain, we are so much closer to what is: an emptiness that mingles with meaning.
People may tell you that you create your own meaning, and I agree, to a certain extent. Our minds need to believe in something. So whether that's good, bad, or anything between the extremes... this is up to us. Honestly, I have answers that work for me. Who knows if they will work for you in your particular situation. I like lionsroar.com for inspiration, and I don't necessarily agree with all of the articles. Often, I look around and feel kind of sad that humanity is in this particular place at this time. It's hard to accept that we're so backwards and forwards in this same moment.
I've been trying out just resting with the depressive thoughts that cross through my mind. For a little while, I just allow myself to lie down or sit and feel the sadness or anxiety that seems so always present. I don't fight it or try to change it. It's freeing, in its own way. I mean, I do eventually get up and go do other things because someone has to pay my bills and I like living a certain lifestyle. But the time I spend just acknowledging my own senses of helplessness, betrayal, fear... it's like an exhale.
Well hello there.