We're all just trying to make it in this world. We each have our pain and suffering, our joy and delight. Some of us have greater desire than others for different values: social justice, harmony, material wealth, beauty, wisdom, independence, and the list goes on. I have been trying for a long time to balance my individual desires with those of a partner, and I've found varying success. Relationships are a big challenge. Communication can see through a lot of difficulty, and all parties must be working toward the same goal in order for it to work well.
I was seeing someone for just under three months. Thought we could work out something that helped both of us, and received a vicious message in return. In the past, I may have spent a long time in tears or hating on him. This time, I cried for an evening and then focused on sending him compassion as I meditated. We had gone back and forth a few times trying to decipher a bond, and in the end he was unwilling to find common ground. It's how it goes sometimes.
Human complexity is part of what makes this life worthwhile. I don't like that this guy was vicious, and I see that he was hurt before I met him. Getting close probably seems unappealing because things didn't last the past couple of times he got close. I have no control over his emotional situation, how he faces his past, or whether we speak in the future. This part kind of sucks. Heh. But really, I wouldn't want that kind of control. No one should ever have that much power, in my opinion. I'm onboard with mindfulness, so I send him compassion when my mind considers him rather than routing to venom like he did in his email.
Being hurt can be so circular if we skip self-reflection. When I feel pain, sometimes I do like I did with him, and I delete everything I can related to the pain. Emails? Gone. Phone number? Gone. My mind gets in this rush to evacuate the source of the pain. So now when I consider whether he was accusatory in his last message, I don't have it to read. Tee hee. It's kind of good and bad, really. Like most things.
If you are in a similar boat, Dear Reader, and you're hurting from relationships... my hope for you is that you find a way to send compassion to yourself and the others in your life. It's hard to keep going sometimes. It's easy to hate those who cause pain. In the bigger scheme of things, though, mindful kindness makes everything better.
Well hello there.