People sometimes tell me that idea about "stay silent if you can't think of something good to say," and I think that saying is relevant only a portion of the time. It happens that we need to say things even if they're not necessarily good in people's perceptions. Right speech is a Buddhist concept, one that encourages the thinker to think and say that which leads to peace. It's a good goal that's impossible to practice at all times. "The word 'Right' is not a moral judgment to be contrasted with bad or wrong, but means 'leading to happiness for oneself and others,'" explains Beth Roth at tricycle.com. In a recent newsletter, Lynne Namka spoke of right speech toward the self. She encouraged readers to identify negative self-labels, such as stupid, stubborn, or hot-tempered; group them into categories; and then explore each label's origin and circumstance. I found her exercise useful, so it follows this paragraph. Expression is important, and we're responsible for how or whether we emote in the world. Sometimes anger or sadness is necessary and appropriate to present even when it's not considered a good thing by all parties. Good is all about context.
Context is essential. Someone I know helped me understand a facet of group dynamics today. She offered that a particular setting may help or hinder bonds, and that sometimes relationship translation falters when people move from one environment to another. This helps explain the route of many a previous friendship. Gosh, I'd have liked to have this understanding in my younger years. Ah well, we get what we get when we get it.
It's a challenge sometimes to think that others have it easier or better. People seem to want to be all, Appreciate what you have, Quit complaining. And to a certain extent, they have it correct. We do need to recognize our bounty and cease our critiques in order to experience peace. The tricky part is balance. Sometimes we need to demand that others put a stop to annoying, hurtful, or inconsiderate behavior. Other times, we need to be understanding and loving when others act foolish. There isn't a gold medal for considerate behavior. That's the type of thing we must provide for ourselves.
As rapist and other female began to trot on my self-esteem almost three years ago, I still believed that deep down inside of himself, he cared about me. I didn't call him rapist then. My mind had temporarily pushed away those memories. It focused on a want for him to be near me, to hug and hold my frightened sense of self. He'd handwritten a note, signed it XOXO. Included a picture he drew or copied, one that resembled a dragon on a clock I gave to him. The note expressed hope to see me before he left the country. My excitement to believe he really wanted to see me wrote him a response and taped it to his door. I drove across town twice, then I saw his car in the driveway, almost ran up to the door and knocked! a little anxiety in my stomach. Then he slithered out of the house... trying to hide?popped into my mind. I didn't know for sure and I felt weird. Something inside of me asked if another woman was inside the house. Grin spread across his face as he said yes. So I pined for him, helped him fill out and print forms for his visa to leave the country. Then after monumental effort, I catch sight of him, and he doesn't even touch me. And during our conversation, another woman walks out and says words that mock my actions. Gosh, it felt incredibly ugly to feel close with that man. Continue is complex when you experience depravity of the level of rapist.
Well hello there.