Last week, it became more clear that my bosses and the organization for which I work all display insensitive oppressive behavior. It was at first murky to me. Boss person said the occasional sexist statement. In a lunch meeting once with about 20 other men and myself the lone female, he said something like, "the only difference between raising girls and boys is that the boys physically destroy the house and the girls do it with emotions." What a limited perspective. Then to toss it out in front of multiple minds, as if proud of such an assessment. What it showed me is how this man sees life. It added to the whole picture: the only female attribute he praises is motherhood; he mostly talks about himself and his personal assessments when he speaks; he says one thing one day and another thing another day, offering a paltry excuse or an outright lie that he may believe to be truth. (He said once that something professional was inconsequential, and I later confirmed with a human resources representative that it carried more weight than he implied. Curiously, this HR representative also seemed to believe what he said until I clearly explained how it was a lie. Then she had an explanation for it...) And that's the thing. I can have my assessments, they can be accurate. But it doesn't change the fact that he's my boss, he decides when to dole out punishment, and the organization for which I perform work also grants this man the agency to emotionally and verbally abuse his employees under a subtle radar. Even when I asked about a transfer, I was essentially told no unless it's due to a medical condition. This place! It's the pits.
There are all kinds of reasons to hate the world, yourself, and everyone else. A quick peak at the current state of affairs can be likely to yield disappointment and sorrow. But it sucks to grow into hatred. It tenses the body and mind, restricts breath.
Even with an apparent lack in full swing, we are able to connect with compassion. Humans are a creative lot. We create hatred as well as joy through our thoughts and hormonal systems. We're good at it. It's our natural composition. Balance between emotion and logic can be a chore to accomplish. We might have to convince ourselves that wise mind (this balance of emotion and logic) is worth effort. Kind of like when we leave a warm cozy bed to enter an uncertain day.
Well hello there.