Non-white look, white look, rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, straight, gay, transgender, young, old, school education, life education, those who fit in, those who don't fit in, mentally able, mentally unwell. Human expectation can create all kinds of nuances that establish value.
When we talk about any element that might differentiate one from another, it can get tense. People have strong feelings sometimes about the things they are or are not able to be or attain in life. It's understandable, this intense emotion. If you watch someone be something you want to be or get something that you want, but then you discover you can't really be that thing the other person became or have that thing the other person got... well, that sucks. It might be so much suck that you feel great anger about it. Maybe there's anxiety, too. If this suck goes on for a long time, then maybe rage develops into depression.
It's easy to feel guilty sometimes, especially when depression is part of life's combination. If we spend a long time in this state and watch our family members express variations of it, we're in a difficult place. There might be oodles of possibility, but the sheer number of choices might stop us in our tracks. Figuring out the absolute best choice, the thing that will endure... this kind of analysis can overwhelm and immobilize.
At our core, we are a vulnerable and imperfect fascinating combination of possibility. Human brains developed through eons, and emotion has kept brains alive. The body needed to sense danger from animals intent to devour it and weather that might decimate it. Since a body must first trust its caretakers and later be able to keep away from danger in order to stay alive, biology developed this emotion system as its first step toward unity and defense. The amygdala is a key player in the brain system that guides the body with what kind of emotion to feel. Dialectical behavior therapy's (DBT's) concept of "emotion mind" relates with the amygdala. In time, our prefrontal cortex developed to help us with rational decisions. This prefrontal cortex is related to the concept of "rational mind" in DBT lingo. When the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex work together to determine solutions, DBT calls this state "wise mind." Freud called it the id (emotion mind), ego (rational mind), and superego (wise mind).
Whichever language you use, be good to yourself. Give yourself the gifts of time and patience. In my own life, people close to me left at nearly every stage. Sometimes, I acted the creep. Other times, they dropped the ball. It hurt a lot, and it still hurts some days. It takes a lot of courage to change something that's been the same for a long time.
Well hello there.