Discovery and change abound. Scenery is lush. Air rests hopeful and free. The freedom brings with it a need for boundaries. It's like a weird puzzle except that it's necessary for an enjoyable life. It can feel difficult to create boundaries from scratch. Some of our parents did not spend time with us or show us reciprocal or reliable gentle loving kindness. Those ads that say stuff about how proud our parents must feel... I typically feel strange when I observe them. My mom didn't care as much about me as her own comfort. My dad saw his freedom as more important than his role as a father.
Part of life's challenge can be to love ourselves when we were taught that we were another person's burden or responsibility. We have to go to our very center and decipher whether we're fit to continue. It's hard. It can feel not worth it. Sometimes people don't make it through this part of the equation. It's rough.
During the time when I divorced my husband, I felt alone and tired. I drank a lot. My boyfriend raped me multiple times, and I was at such a low point in my life that I worked out in my head how it was ok for him to do so. The women in my life at that time listened to my stories and nodded their heads. It was only after some time with an art therapist that she insisted to me that my boyfriend was hurting me. To that point, I did not see or appreciate how much I let others take advantage of me. It took a lot of time to develop an awareness of myself as worthy of effort and accountability.
As I practice with awareness that I am worth my own actions, I breathe deeply and learn ways to support myself in healthy ways. Even if people treat me like I'm crazy, I am true to who I am. There have been many years when I felt like I stuck out, like my voice didn't matter. Now it's time to speak up, it's time to feel comfortable with my presence. This doesn't necessarily mean that people respond in the ways I like. I'm learning how to interact with personalities who act like vessels of vitriol. Like the neighbor's friend who shows up next door in a Trump t-shirt. Mainly, I now observe that she's arrived and I exit the scene in a quick yet comfortable fashion.
We are human creatures here to live out lives on this planet. None of us really know why we're here in a definitive sense. No one can provide scientific evidence of why it's best to act like a good person. You have it inside of you and it's up to you to decipher the whys and wherefores.
Well hello there.