A former friend and I are working on the same project team at work. It. is. awkward. and frustrating. Earlier in our relationship, she agreed to talk with me in-person when we reached a conflict. Then, we reached a conflict. She changed her story and said that she didn't agree to talk with me whenever I felt it was necessary. I told her that I am a good friend and I deserve friends who treat me with respect. Respect includes upholding agreements. She emailed me and attempted to explain how she was in the right. I declined her explanations and told her that I would no longer respond to emails on the topic. I explained to her that I would be ready to talk in-person, as agreed, when she felt ready to do so. I haven't heard from her since. I have, however, received her passive aggressive looks and fake hellos in the hallways. I don't return her fake hellos or her aggression.
This amounted to a tense moment today in a project meeting. I asked her a question. For a split second, I considered that she may not answer. In my mind, I thought, "You brought this on yourself because you don't keep to your agreements. I won't feel bad about treating myself with respect." She stared at me for a few moments, and then she answered my question.
It sucks to be friends with someone and then watch them act like a complete jerk. I know some of her history, and I understand how she came to act in this manner. I don't tolerate her jerk behavior no matter how much of a good story she maintains. I am not responsible for her history. I don't want to dislike her, so I simplify this in my mind by telling myself I care for her and I won't allow her to treat me poorly.
I miss her sometimes. We used to laugh a lot and we shared a lot in common, especially our histories. I enjoyed her perspectives even though sometimes I disagreed with her conclusions or logic patterns. I was willing to overlook all that until the day she attempted to deceive me. No thanks, lady. I like friends, and I also enjoy honor. I may miss you, and I'd rather miss you sometimes than stay in a friendship that makes me wonder whether you respect me.
It would be cool to have her support during the project. My boss attempted to convince me to ask her for assistance. I told him I thought she wouldn't be supportive. He encouraged me to try her. In my mind, I decided that I won't trust someone who won't keep a personal commitment. Instead of seeking her support on the topic, I smiled at my boss and then didn't contact her.
Gah, life is sometimes uncomfortable.
Well hello there.