I'm in a new role with a new organization, and I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed and anxious. The schedule is different from my previous schedule, and I'm getting used to new responsibilities while also waiting patiently for computer access to manifest. It's a bit frustrating and exciting at the same time. Can you relate?
Sometimes I feel insecure about my abilities. This role is a step in a new direction, and it can feel a bit scary to walk this leap. My brain occasionally tosses out thoughts like, "I'm out of my league," or "I don't fit in." I have to remind myself to breathe deeply and focus on an internal breath-path visualization. I'll learn this stuff. I'll do well, and I'll enjoy myself. Any new job has a learning curve.
I work with mostly men, so there's that element. I don't want this aspect to bother me, and it does until I remind myself to breathe deeply, imperceptibly.
The information technology field is primarily men even as women join the area en masse each day. The guys asked me if I'd seen a "hurt feelings" report, and I internally shuddered. Externally, I nodded and looked the asker in the eyes, mouth slightly parted in an almost-not-quite smile. I want to sufficiently keep to myself and also adequately participate in office discussions. They say kind-of sexist stuff sometimes, and I don't want to police every action around me. At the same time, I'd like to keep discussions respectful or feel comfortable to exit the situation as I see fit.
Verbal exits are helpful in both oral and written form. In a previous organization, someone in a leadership role in another department said something inappropriate to me. He emailed and asked if we could schedule a meeting. He said he "didn't have anything to discuss," he just wanted to look at me. I told him I'm busy, that any future meetings would need to have a predetermined agenda. [Yay, me!] I think that in the future I'll add something along the lines of, "I feel uncomfortable when you say [...relevant words...] I am not an object for your viewership. I am a human being, and I deserve respect in the workplace regardless of my appearance." Hm. To consider. Any ideas, anyone? I'm looking for respectful, definitive, and clear.
In a meeting last week, someone described to me how his name contains the same number of letters as does the number of letters in the acronyms after his name. He said I'd see this when he emails me. I wanted to make fun of him, and then I didn't want to make fun of him. Instead, I drew in my notebook and occasionally looked him in the eye and nodded.
Two people attempted to control my work space this week. One told a group of us that she'd like to see a particular printout on our cube walls. Another told me that he thought it'd be a good idea to post a reference item on a cube wall. I heard both of them, looked one in the eyes and nodded. Then I mentally discarded each idea. For me, cube walls are important for keeping connection, peace. I'd like to view an ocean around me at work.
Well hello there.