There's that saying, "Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." In my darkest moments, I hate that saying. So much pain is possible when you allow yourself to feel vulnerable with another. When I'm in a different state of mind, though, I value this vulnerability and the process that goes along with it. The ability to feel various emotions is the very root of our humanity. We are better for it.
We just don't have control over everything. It's a simple concept, and many of us spend a lot of our lives trying to plan out the natural flow of life. Some of this is good. We need to create healthy lives and ways we can feel both adventurous and safe in the world. If we work at it, we might be able to love fully and give freely. This is a beautiful thing, this ability to love, but it doesn't guarantee outcomes from other people. Our planning and loving and giving doesn't always fit with the things others must do for themselves.
So when my best friend left, others interpreted this with their perspectives. They said, "He didn't want to try anymore," and other such things. I know the reality of our situation together, though, and it wasn't that he didn't want to try anymore. It was that he couldn't. He needed things, and he needed to find them on his own. I long for him, and I know we aren't able to be together right now. Maybe never. Maybe one day.
This is life. We can analyze it all day and all night, and it will do its own thing regardless. Sometimes there is not an understanding that will alleviate pain. As someone told me, the pain happens when things are important. Loss is important. Grief is important. It can mean the love we feel is real and deep and true, and this can be a mark of our own humanity.
Through all things, we are our own best friends. May we value our experiences and breathe deeply with love.
Well hello there.