My family isn't interested in me. They want what they want, and I'm not it. It's ok and it's not ok. Naturally, I want to feel close with my family members. I also see that they are not going to share a connection with me -- not one that fits my standards. No, I won't be the one to blame now. No, it's not ok to not make time for me. No, I am not the problem or the burden or the entity that caused you to give up on dreams. You make your own way on this planet.
When my uncle said, Hey, Let's go out for dinner sometime, I said yes. Then he asked the entire family out to dinner. When I said I wasn't comfortable with seeing the entire family, they all went without me. I said, Maybe we can do this again some other time, just us. No response. After numerous times like these, enough. It's like wishing for water from rocks: stressful, fruitless.
My father told me that in-person time isn't an option at this point. After a few days, I responded and said I don't see a future for us, meaningful relationships require in-person visits. Other than a text at the holidays, I won't engage with this superficial bond. It's been this way for years. As an infant, I turned away from him when he came home from a business trip. I read up on this type of behavior. It means that there isn't a connection between the baby and the adult. As an infant, I didn't feel a connection with my father. Somewhere along the way, I developed a belief that we had a connection. Maybe I needed that belief in order to get to where I am today. Now I see the familial bonds for what they are -- weak, superficial... sometimes hurtful.
I hung on for a while because my younger siblings arrived. I thought I could offer them an example of someone who loves without expectations. Then I realized how my family took turns taking advantage of me. The older siblings, they left me alone with my parents overseas. My dad married another woman, started another family. My mom worked 12-hour days. We related through a spiral notebook. I felt offended and didn't realize it. Earlier this year, I contacted my younger siblings, encouraged them to contact me the same as I contacted them. No response. Ok... I'm ok with not trying or encouraging and believing that one day things could be different. I accept things as they are, and I do the best I can with that which I possess.
10/28/15 edited last paragraph
Well hello there.