As I grew up, I yearned for connection. No one in my immediate family appeared to like me, themselves, or anyone else in the family. The insecurity that my parents displayed transferred to me and my siblings. Their parents, my grandparents, passed along this insecurity. Their parents, my great-grandparents, passed it to them and so on and so forth. That's why blame is futile. How far back down the line do you go with blame? What do you get when you arrive at the final person or situation to blame? I'm interested in speaking of solutions, not blame.
My solution right now is to love my family and this world. I reached this solution in the past, and then I ditched it because it started to seem like a weak choice. Meaning: I believed in the solution, and then I experienced many people taking advantage of me and my commitment to love. I was listening to a radio show last Thursday evening, and an audio book played. A man with an accent described a set of "secrets" and suggested that these were steps to complete connection with All That Is. I liked some of what he said. Other stuff -- nope. One of his suggestions referenced anger. He said something like, When you don't like anger in someone else, look at your own anger. While on the surface, I agree with this statement, I believe suggestions like this one can keep certain mindsets in abusive situations. Critical thinking necessary!
If you feel consistently angry with someone even after multiple attempts at conflict resolution, find another solution! Don't torture yourself with thinking that things have to be worked out with people. The solution is not always to let the person back into your life or fully accept them even when they are hurting you. At a certain point, you look at yourself enough and then it's important to see that the other person may represent an unresolvable issue. You can respect and love someone and choose to be separate from him or her in this life. My experience is that sometimes people take this "Love everyone" business to lengths that abuse the self.
For example, I know someone who experienced cancer. When she reached the height of her need, her best friend bailed. Years later, this woman accepted the best friend back into her life. What is going on here? Yes, it's up to the person whom she chooses as friends. Yes, it's OK for her to choose this choice. And -- when you accept behavior like that back into your life, you're showing yourself that the other person is more important to you than you. It's a noble thought, in thought, and a chaotic choice in practice. I liked a lot of what this person expressed to me. Many times, her opinions were interesting and helpful. However, I could barely believe it when she told me she'd accepted the friend back into her life. While I can understand her choice, I also see how she could be setting herself up for more disappointment.
It's frustrating sometimes to observe choices from others. It reminds me of my upbringing and that feeling of helplessness as I watched my family run amok. I choose to love my family and this world, and that means I also choose to love people who hurt me. While I don't accept certain individuals back into my life, I love them in the ways that I am able. I didn't know how to experience this apparent paradox until I went through various life circumstances. My connection with my intuition guides me to this decision. I fully trust my connection with All That Is. My yearning led me to this connection. Friendship with this connection is freedom itself.
I've mentioned my mom and siblings in this blog. I don't recall if I've discussed my dad. We spent 10 years of my life in a living-together bond that ended with anxiety, frustration, and absence. I'm the youngest in my family of origin. I observed everyone and then accepted most of what they told me if they insisted on it in a particular fashion. I experienced multiple forms of abuse along the way to this moment. I also experienced fabulous situations with fascination and connection. This life has been challenging and rewarding at various times. Through it, I've experienced intuition at greater or lesser strengths. I'm finding that this intuition and my connection with it is my best friend.
Well hello there.