I once married a man who later blamed me for grotesque behavior from someone else. Oh my gawd, it was so hurtful. I'm so glad I found my way away from him and his outlook on life.
We were on the Champs-Elysees. I chose France for our honeymoon because he liked the Tour de France and all I wanted was to exit the United States for a while. It was the final day of the Tour and we were waiting for the cyclists to arrive and loop.
I noticed that someone appeared to be very close to my body. Was the person grinding against me? I didn't feel certain. Time passed, and my discomfort grew. I eventually managed to whisper to my then-husband. I don't remember exactly what I said, something like, "This man is against me."
Then-Husband grew furious and raised his voice, "Are you saying that man is a pervert?!" The man quickly disappeared.
Later, as we walked back to our apartment, Then-Husband said, "Did you like it? Is that why you didn't say anything sooner?" I told him he couldn't blame me for that action, that I didn't know what was happening or how to say I needed help. Then-Husband furrowed his brow and looked angry.
He would talk about our trip after that time and tell other people how amazing it was to be on the Champs-Elysees. Yeah, he completely disregarded my emotions, my experiences, and I allowed it. Gah. Former me didn't know the things I know now. Former me accepted a lot of bullshit as love.
In some ways, Former Me's acceptance of bullshit set up Current Me with clear boundaries. Oh, you think it's a person's fault that s/he got assaulted? I don't like your reasoning, and I pass on deep connection with you. Have a good day now, ya hear?
Well hello there.