Started a new job! Got away from the white male privilege, old men led by a lascivious male airhead. Began a new role with an offensive and oblivious female leader. She acts like a jerk and yet also makes extreme statements about how great we are as a team. For instance, she literally teared up as she talked about how we covered for each other when some of us were out for a few days doing different things. Then days later she said to me, "If you don't know the answer to this question, then I feel concerned about your knowledge here after this much time at [organization]." What a shit thing to say, right? This manager seems to believe in forcing through fear rather than leading with respect.
She doesn't seem to comprehend true knowledge or power. Her insecurity emanates from the statements that eject through her amoral lips. Have you ever sat across from someone and smiled a half- or full smile, maybe even with warmth behind your eyes, and yet also at the same time thought, You are an unprofessional turd, Your outlooks are like feces caked in diarrhea.
These are the skills this new job offers. Lucky me! I tell myself I get to go to work and be the actress I wanted to be as a young girl when Grandma and I watched soaps together. Poppycock popcorn, maroon carpet, cigarette smoke swirls steady from her glass ashtray and pentagonal wooden table. My new boss is extremely unprofessional with both remarks and behavior. It's different from the sexism at my previous job yet mimics some of the bigotry and imperialistic aggression, unfortunately.
Workplaces are cross-sections of American society, potentially full of questionable thought processes. This is one of the burdens of being an alert and sensitive being: We listen to and observe the people around us rather than sense only ourselves. So when we create this professional persona, this person who must interact with other people in order to earn a steady paycheck, we can feel like a lie. It can be difficult to maintain a facade when personal values include justice, honesty, and compassion.
But onward we go. Beauty and calm rest inside each of us, ready to nurture and protect our beliefs. Confidence develops through mistakes and failures. Grace is earned not given, and we are each of us our own masters and followers. May we support ourselves with deep honor.
Well hello there.