Someone mentioned malignant narcissism to me yesterday. Let's call her Pearl. My interest piqued as Pearl said the words because of my history with people who practice(d) life with little to no empathy. We related to each other even as it was the first time we'd ever met.
Both of us agreed that our experiences with malignant narcissists were awful situations; that they taught us many lessons; and that we'd never wish the experiences on another human.
It was really cool to meet Pearl and share a story to which she could relate. I felt so grateful that someone else could relate with some of my experiences in life.
I told her that my surprise with malignant narcissism was that people really exist who practice it. In my earlier years, I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who appeared to love me and actually hurt me. I figured I would know the difference between love and hurt, and all of the bad stuff would be super obvious and I'd have no troubles at all because I'm smart, intuitive, and compassionate. Nope! Intelligence, intuition, and compassion are essential elements in life, and other factors also contribute to a healthy experience. The kind of scary sometimes exciting part about life is that sometimes you have to hurt to know the difference between hurt and healthy.
Experiences with narcissists can preface an emotion of hurt and disrespect in others. Malignant narcissism indicates a void. The person who practices it takes and takes and qualifies and justifies and convinces. S/He does not exercise limits. It's this no-limits part that's enticing and at the same time destructive. Being around a narcissist is great fun when the narcissist is treating you like a treasure. It's the down side, the low points, that make narcissism painful to experience and, ultimately, a thing that needs definition and limits.
In my life, malignant narcissism messaged me. It said: Your mind is unaware of this type of practice. Learn about it. Teach yourself to recognize it and defend against it and prevent it when possible.
I don't like that I allowed myself to be treated so poorly, and I also see how my life's circumstances led to the experiences as they happened. I'm glad I did what I could to help myself live a healthy life. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'll probably make a lot more. The thing about mistakes is that they're necessary to get to what's not a mistake.
Malignant narcissism is a mirror to helplessness, a message that we are not helpless or not-helpless. We are both and neither at the same time.
Well hello there.