Domestic violence happens everyday. Abuse and neglect are a reality of life. It's rarely "one and done" with abuse or neglect. The patterns in place to get someone into an abusive relationship are often unbeknownst to the victim, and the hard truth is that it is generally up to the victim to figure out this puzzle.
The thing about people who abuse others is that they likely don't view it as abuse. If they can convince their victims that the treatment is normal, then everyone goes along with that falsity until something changes.
A friend told me that his daughter's boyfriend physically assaulted her. I asked several questions (as per usual), and it became clear to me that my friend is in denial about the gravity of the situation. Let's call my friend Strength.
Strength tells me that his daughter has a support system; she's fine; and she knows to stay away from bad situations in the future. All of this is based on paltry details. Strength told me about how he has friends who can harm the abusive boyfriend if necessary. When I asked whether his daughter is seeking therapy, he said he offered to fund it and she declined.
Strength's daughter, Please educate yourself. Therapy may not be for you at this time, and knowledge is essential. I found three books in particular to be of great assistance: Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?, Beverley Engel's The Nice Girl Syndrome, and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. The abuse is not your fault. Your knowledge is your responsibility. This person who violated your boundaries -- this person's mind is imbalanced. S/He believes it's OK to exert aggression on another human. That's inappropriate, and you deserve respectful treatment. Please learn about your personality's traits and how some of them may have contributed to snagging a partner who hurt you. The abusive personality likely won't perform this effort. That's how it goes in this part of life.
Many thoughts of comfort and balance to you, Strength's daughter.
Well hello there.