My bosses and many of my coworkers spout chauvinism and racism. When called on their words, they deny that their words are in any way offensive. They say, "You misinterpret!" They are arrogant white males with little regard for anyone except the viewpoints that stroke their egos.
When I think of my mother and these chauvinistic rat fucks, I wonder how it is that anyone continues to exist in our world. I feel this deep pain of uncomfortable and unacceptable, a distance, clear not-belonging. It is hard to make sense of both love for my mother and a need to avoid her, to save myself pain from her shallow or hurtful remarks. In some ways, she reminds me of these hurtful men. Some of the things they say are the same, possibly generational outlooks, frequently closed-minded. I believe my mom loves me and that I love her. I understand that the men are jerk personalities that lack a capacity for empathy with anyone outside of their circle of color and socioeconomic status.
When you value justice or stand for a society in which all belong, you will meet turd-faced empty holes of aggression and foolish mean observations. You will meet denial and it will mock you, write you up, or tell you your words are inaccurate. Stand firm in your perspective. You're worth the time and effort and humiliation it might take to stand up for your beliefs. Even with familial connections or memories that might hurt your feelings, love is present. Things don't always make sense when we're alive. We can choose to focus on meaning, belonging even when things are ambiguous. We can build our faith by breathing belief through the undefined and denied.
Well hello there.