Is it ever necessary to ask for reassurance? Does the act of asking immediately classify an individual as weak? Am I confusing vulnerable and weak? Why wouldn't the person always only self-assure? Is there value in asking for reassurance?
My mind's been considering this idea of reassurance for about a month. A couple of situations encouraged this.
Situation 1 -- About a month ago, I met a new person. She knows some people related to my past. At first, I felt a bit of hostility toward her. I couldn't deduce why. There was nothing about her that "should" have caused me to feel that way. I discussed my emotion with her and others. I realized that my hostility was a cover for some fear that I felt -- a fear that she'd divulge my now to my past. I asked her for reassurance that she'd maintain respectful boundaries.
Situation 2 -- A friend and I communicated with each other earlier this week. I expressed some concern and a tinge of almost-regret about how I handled a previous boss-employee interaction. I wanted to ask my friend for reassurance about my choices with that past boss. She started talking about another topic, and I went along with it. A few hours later, I considered my choice to not ask for reassurance. I contacted her again and explained how I'd wanted to ask for it and found it challenging to do so.
So now I'm wondering whether I'm asking too often and coming off as too needy. This somewhat relates to my earlier post, Too Many Questions. Someone recently advised me that "too much" is a matter of how often and which circumstances. That makes sense. What kind of reassurance do I seek? How often? With whom?
In the first situation, I requested privacy. In the second situation, I requested validation. I wanted reassurance, and I felt it necessary for two different purposes.
Emotions are complex bodies of energy. Multiple systems create a feeling -- hormonal system, internal dialogue, sensory memories. It makes sense that one emotion could front as another. The mind is trying to protect its body from harm. It wants to ensure physical and emotional safety. It transmits messages that say Alert! Do something! In this situation, my alert system sent out hostility and topic repetition. I then conversed with the appropriate parties.
I think in situations where the other party is not able to receive messages, doing something may not mean conversations. Perhaps that's a topic for another time.
Well hello there.