Antagonism abounds because we live in societies that unintentionally deny depth. This is what the philosophers discuss in the ages of old, what the spiritual traditions tell you in stories and emotions. People play with deflective decks that deny. Fury may ignite as one considers what matters and how to win. It's exhausting to continue in this type of battle for years on end. With time, we develop perspective -- that awful patronizing term so significant in its composition -- and realize that the top is an illusion. No one ever reaches the metaphorical top because that would create a coffin. We begin to love ourselves as we accept our responsibilities and protect ourselves from responsibilities that belong to others. Those of us born into families with parents who exhibited strong narcissism are at an empathy deficit from the get-go. Individuals born into narcissism face an arduous emotional experience if they are to expand from voiceless and amorphous to clear, gentle, and firm.
The things we learn along the way can surface with anger for a while. Anger is often a cover for pain of some kind. It hurts to experience intolerance in any of its forms. Unhealthy narcissism, rape, racism, classism, sexism, aggression... these are all ways that humans display ignorance and weakness. Recipients naturally feel pressure and a resulting anger. The trick is that in order to change any of it, we must learn about how our identities contribute to our experiences, and this can feel humiliating. When I first read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, I felt so indignant. I began to see my relationships in a totally different light. I no longer felt sorry for people and their rage, I saw it as the mechanism they learned worked well to control others (me!) This changed daily thoughts and actions considerably. Anger is fine for its time. We can also find ways to release it and feel peaceful with our choices. Sometimes we get taken advantage of and flaws in society feed on our ignorance and weakness. We rely on the skills we have, and sometimes we're surprised when we discover that they don't work well anymore. Other times, we may act the aggressor. The goal can be to see ourselves for the possibilities we encompass and allow suitability as we are. We pick ourselves up, find help to understand and work with our patterns, and pat ourselves on the back. Life is a process. We do the best we can and sometimes it hurts and we learn from it and go on to appreciate our strengths, how we've always been and will always be our own heroines.