After we first arrived at the strip club, I visualized EFT and tapped on my guilt. Yep, there I was, looking at women sexy dance on Christmas evening and inside my mind I was all, "Even though I feel extremely guilty about this situation, I love and respect myself." It was ...different. With successive EFT visualizations, the guilt eventually dissolved and I felt other emotions. Mainly, confused and uncertain. I wasn't sure about how to feel amidst the loud (so loud!) music, alcohol, and women who appeared to embody various emotions about their employment situation.
Our neighbor, he drank a lot. A lot a lot. Like, he kept buying rounds and didn't ask first kind of thing. I observed his behavior go from playful to antagonizing and creepy. At one point early on I playfully and clearly said to him, "Hey, Don't throw your money at her. Respect women in all situations," my right forefinger and thumb uniting in a tear drop to the right of my face. Neighbor apparently took this as an invitation and, gosh, a command to act in complete opposite to the words I spoke and the position I represented. He proceeded to shout over the music, "Hey! Hey, Meiling!" and after I would look his way, "I'm looking at only her eyes," big defiant smile on his face as the woman's posterior shook in front of him. Gah. At first, it was funny in its obvious discrepancy (he's not looking at her eyes when he's watching her anus -- hilarious!) and then it became weird that he was repeating himself. A vengeance appeared to burn in his eyes. In time, I felt mostly disgusted with his "joke." I didn't know what to say, though. We were watching women dance, is it ok for neighbor man to keep saying that to me? How do I change the situation to make it appropriate? I didn't know what to do or say. Eventually, during one of the egregious and strangely vicious, "I'm looking at her eyes," tantrum moments, my body made eye contact with Neighbor and gesticulated the OK symbol as my eyes looked to the other side. This seemed to quell the monster inside of Neighbor man. Interesting, upon further reflection, the interaction appears to have started when I brought together my right forefinger and thumb in a tear drop and ended after I brought together my left forefinger and thumb in an OK shape. Symbolism, symbolism.
My partner and I later discussed the evening and its excesses. Both of us liked being able to enjoy the performers and their performances. We applauded ourselves for being financially responsible -- cash only, stop spending when the cash runs out. He left his credit card in his glove compartment and I didn't take mine out of my beaded pouch. Neither of us liked how much we drank. Personally, I didn't like that I drove after we left the strip club. Four humans piled into the car with me and I believed myself sober enough to drive. I may have actually been sober enough to drive -- I drank five or six drinks in five hours, and I separated some of the drinks with a couple of glasses of water. Still, after we arrived at our place, I felt an immediate surge of extreme guilt and the next morning I was ready to quit drinking for a while. Sometimes my initial response to a mistake is to think of the way to completely obliterate it. The bigger challenge is balance, methinks.
Well hello there.