What a huge mess of life the last few weeks have been. I wasn't sure I'd make it, to be honest. My best friend exited from my life. Again. I've observed so many best friends leave my life that I had a super difficult time with this last one. My coping skills took a dive, and I came super close to doing some things I wouldn't typically do anymore.
Ambivalence is type of a security blanket for these kinds of situations. If I can just say I don't care, then maybe I actually don't and things will be ok. The issue is that I do care. Very much so. I care that my eldest sister doesn't speak to me. I care that my best friend can't be near me because of his own issues and society's failure with healthcare. I care, and caring hurts sometimes. My personal challenge right now is to keep going in spite of the hardship. To keep eating, drinking water, sleeping. Because when so many things seem so fucked, I just want to give up, really.
This is a supremely difficult time. I'm not sure what's worth life, to be honest. For a while now, I've put in enormous effort for my relationship, career, friends, family, self, blahblahblah. And it's culminated into this time now where I feel almost completely adrift. I mean, I'll keep going. That's for sure. But why and how and all that. I dunno. I try to be inspiring for own personal benefit and that of others, and... well... I'm just not feeling it these days.
I hope you're in a better place than I am right now. May we all know value even if we don't believe in it in this very moment.
Well hello there.