For those who commit to connection as worthwhile, new emotion comprehension can develop and life can feel richer and more meaningful. The trick here is that this is true, and it's also true that we must know when connection is unsafe. Life is more than all good or bad, perfection or imperfection. It's the work to get there and the sweat of arrival that enriches experience.
Healthy relationships require honesty and vulnerability, trust and respect. Some connect partway because their emotion toolboxes contain only anxiety, offense, injustice, anger, and happy. My early life practiced with limited awareness of and respect for emotions. We didn't discuss our bad feelings or many feelings, for that matter. It was, So and So did this, f* him or her, I don't need that in my life.
This led me to relationships with people who practiced with similar or compatible attitudes, although I wouldn't have told you that at the time. I tended toward friends and intimate partners who were intelligent, slighting controlling, and mostly insensitive. I typically held the role of listener, as far as I can remember. When I asserted my opinion, people expressed anger or otherwise dismissed my words. So I learned to listen and keep my opinions to myself. In time, I learned how this personality welcomed abusive behaviors. My particular path involved romantic partners who treated me poorly, friendships with people who took advantage of me, and many adventures.
Meaningful bonds may feel uncomfortable or painful sometimes. The other in these scenarios may present as bully or fool, tyrant or victim. One of the biggest challenges may be to believe that it is possible to change experiences. So much may seem to go wrong, another bad thing appears, and then thoughts cycle.
Different methods exist. People are able to treat each other with respect, and it's ok to expect this of life. The comfortable way doesn't have to mean the boring way. Responsibility, depth, and connection aren't required to feel bad. Life can feel free even in the face of opposition. I don't like the outlook that things get worse with age, opportunity dwindles, and time is always fleeting. Each of us deserves complete connection at every age and stage.
Well hello there.