I didn't learn how to say no when I was a young person. Instead, I learned how to help, how to be nice. The people around me were so unpleasant with each other. Tiny me wanted them to smile, to be friendly. I didn't have words for that stuff in my early life. People didn't teach me how to know myself, how to know my own wants and needs, how to know and voice my opinion. As a consequence, I grew into an adult who wanted very much to please others and knew almost zero about me and the meaning of acceptable treatment. These skills set up a person to be used and abused, and that's exactly what happened to me. The turning point happened after the rapist.
That relationship screamed at me to take note of the unhealthy boundaries in my life. After I evaluated his presence in my existence, I evaluated the presence of others, and I realized how callous and absent my family tree remains. The Chinese are very family-oriented, and this is characteristic of my line. In fact, one of my uncles beat my aunt, and my family encouraged her to remain with him. No one stood up and said, Hey, He's acting an ass, you deserve better. Instead, it was, Stay with your man, don't break up the family. What complete and utter nonsense. My Caucasian line has its strengths and weaknesses, too. One of my aunts went into mostly-drugged-up land with her issues, and now almost no one speaks with her. Even her own son kicked her out because she was so incredibly inconsiderate. BS doesn't know what race means... it manifests regardless of creed or color.
Yes, be kind and compassionate. That's excellent. Also learn how to say no and speak your mind. People may call you a "nag," or tell you that you talk too much, or any other of the many feel-guilt statements that people throw at others these days. Forget those statements! Keep listening to you and go with your gut. You're worth it.
Well hello there.